I must admit...

For me...inspiration comes in the form of movies. Is this a positive thing? Movies are not real, they are a vision of someone's imagination. Even when movies are depicting real events...they are still only how someone remembers it. There is only one person, one real, living, breathing, not an imaginary character person that I find inspiring. In a world filled with such amazing wonders how can it be that only one person inspires me without even knowing it. You may think this person is some famous actor or singer or limelight liver but he/she isn't. This person is someone I actually know, someone I have shared dinners with, someone I have played games with, someone I have traveled with, someone I have loved. When I am lacking motivation to do anything...I think about this person and how he/she is constantly moving. Always doing something or rather completing something. A decision to do something is made and within a matter of time...completed. Who does that? I never finish anything.

My recent movie inspiration is Julie and Julia. I know I know...what I'm doing here is so cliche. I don't care though. I like the idea of deciding to do something and setting a deadline. Especially on here. I like the idea of being held accountable by someone other than myself. My inspiring person shall be impressed although I doubt he/she will ever know but that's not my reason for doing it anyway.

I've been wanting to write a book...for a VERY long time. The ideas and chapters have been floating around from computer to USB drive to paper and back. It's time I really did something about it.

Confessions of a lonely heart

I fear that I am doomed to be alone. It's not that I'm a hideous chud or that I lack personality. It's because I believe in true love. I believe in complete and utterly confounding true beautiful meant to be together forever love. Then I hit the cement and crack my head open and realize that it hurts and the longer I hold on to the concept of this fantasy...the less likely I'll let someone who encompasses any piece of my dreams in.
You know that feeling of your first love? That absolutely positively no doubt going to be together forever feeling? That feeling that makes your heart flutter and your palms sweat? That vision of your future? The one that makes all other men disappear from your sight? Yea...I haven't felt that since I was 17. How is it that in 10 years I've managed to date my fair share of men and still be left unsatisfied? I don't want to be with my first love anymore...I've accepted that bridge and I've crossed it with grace. However, I want my innocence back. I want to be able to feel all those feelings again with someone different, with someone who will be my forever. I realize though, that I never will. Therefore, I'm doomed to be alone.